Being a single parent is tough. Being a single parent and dating is tougher yet. How do you blend your need for companionship, cuddling, and fun with your child’s need for security and your focus? I’ve got a few thoughts on the matter since I was one of those dating parents. My words are more of the “Do as I say, not as I do,” variety.

1. Get your priorities straight: Before you even consider dating, you need to have straight in your head what your priorities are. Most likely these are some combination of children (number 1), religion, work, play and relationship. But only you know, and only you can put them in the order that’s right for you!
2. Allot your time accordingly: Once you know what your priorities are, then you know how much time to devote to what. For example, when you are first getting to know a potential dating partner, a 30-minute coffee break is probably a good goal the first time out.
3. Date when your kids are with your ex: In the beginning, it is best that your kids not even know about your dating friends because it can give them fears of abandonment.
4. Wait until before introducing your kids: One of the hardest thing on kids is to lose yet another important person in their life. If you introduce your “friend” before it is headed for commitment it will probably send their world into turmoil and set the stage for lifelong trust issues.
5. You do the parenting: This is a major problem area for relationships and second marriages. “You’re not my mother,” “You’re not my father,” will become familiar refrains if your partner gets involved in disciplining your children. As hard as it may be, you need to stay in control of this role!

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Tags: dating, dating parent, parent

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